I have finally faced the fact that I cannot be alone with myself for long periods of time. 

I constantly need something to distract me from my own thoughts, from knowing that It’s just me I’m dealing with.

So I often have the TV on in the background and I can’t work.

I can’t think.


No, dang it, it’s not good.  Even now, the words are fumbling in a hazy soup in my head- I can’t articulate anything well enough.  I often feel like i’ve forgotten how to use words.  Or that my vocabulary is shrinking.

There’s such a tangle in there… something i don’t want to unravel.  Something I’ve subconsciously put six feet under white noise. I’ve put it in a place whereto should I venture I— i lost my train of thought.  It’s a mess in here and I am just now taking the time to try to smooth out the rug I’ve swept it under- so that at least i’m at peace with it.  So that at least it’s not such a damn eye sore.

Ironically enough, I am most often in my head, imagining alternate realities, where I’m better off, successful, and on occasion, wielding a great sword (yeah so what?).  When there is too much out here that makes me heavy, I go in there to solve the problem- but not when I’m alone.  Not when I have to pay close attention to who I am.

Lonely has many synonyms but only one antonym— it doesn’t even oppose all the meanings of lonely and it’s synonyms. How sad is that.

Re: those pictures of tragic moments people ask you to give a FB like so the victim can get better (this time, an infant)

FB User: Your "wish" will probably do nothing for the child, but your prayers might...
Me: how exactly will my prayers help? how many people --good people-- pray and don't get their prayers answered? how is that decided? why don't they get their prayers answered? In my opinion, scientific funding for research will do the greatest, most active good. I would rather keep donating to science and research in order to help victims of accidents like that baby.
Me: so praying is not actually doing anything. It's someone saying words and feeling satisfied for the day, thinking they did some good.
Me: In all honesty, I don't think i can do anything to help that baby. but doctors can, so i won't pretend like a few words or likes will be my contribution because not me or anyone who thinks that FB likes can or will do anything. They need to stop believing in that illusion to feel better.
FB User:

Premises Relating to the Human Condition


i. Sentience: (On the Human level), the ability to think; the ability to develop emotionally, psychologically, and physically in terms of skill and practical applications of said skill; the ability to retain and learn from one’s own past experiences

ii. Self awareness: to be conscious of one’s own existence (this may or may not include the awareness of one’s own mortality); to be conscious of one’s own ability to learn (sentience) and of one’s own skills, strengths (physical and mental), and weaknesses.


i. Sentience and Self-awareness are a natural corruption in the Human mind.

ii. Suffering comes with self-awareness.

iii. Though the Human is self- aware and sentient, it must go through an intellectual awakening in order to transcend. Evolution is no longer the key nor the driving force to achieve intellectual awakening, that is an animalistic and primal force that has lost its usefulness in modern societies. Instead, the Human must rely on its own initiative to learn and understand.

iv. Learning and understanding to the point of intellectualism and wisdom is where the Human is constantly failing in order to achieve transcendence. 



Dove shows women that they are more beautiful than they think.

Oh, dove you are very sneaky.  Very Very sneaky. 

THIS IS VERY CLEVER ADVERTISING.  This might be brilliant even because they knew exactly what STRINGS TO PULL  in order to get client loyalty.

The fact remains, DOVE is a multi-million (if not multi-billion) dollar CORPORATION- the same people that oppress the 99%

Their products are still riddled with chemicals that are not good for you TOXIC. 

Whoever is running dove’s ad campaigns, really knows what strings to pull and which buttons to push.

But you have to remember, it’s all about the selling and they are betting on this, “AWE, that’s so sweet!” reaction. 

They’re just trying to sell a product; and it seems to be working.


How Jenna Lyons Transformed J.Crew Into A Cult Brand

Read here how Jenna Lyons has take J.Crew from ugly duckling to fashion arbiter. 

Okay, good for this woman being innovative and the best at what she Does.

In relation to the first half of this article that talks about Lyons’ “hangryness”: maybe she should do some exercise instead of starving herself for days. ORRRR. Just not wear size -00. It’s okay to wear a 3 ( or preferably slightly higher). Fuck sake.

Also how uncouth to still keep portraying this woman’s hunger as a soothing weakness, as if she were soldiering on in the name of…? What exactly? To keep fitting in teeny pants.